February 17th, 2011

I am sitting downstairs in our new house, listening to the kids playing in Jack's room. They LOVE the house...and so do I. We had a couple of move-in/ new-house glitches that we've had to overcome. And besides the fact that I was in early stages of pregnancy and had very little energy or patience for those, we've taken them as paar for the course. It's totally worth it, and will be even more so once the weather really warms up and we can enjoy both the outdoor aspects of the house along with the indoor, and the new neighborhood. We are thrilled.

The kids are changing and growing every day and never cease to amaze/ amuse me. They also, lately, never cease to exhaust/ drive me crazy. I've been in a definate funk for several months, which has been compounded by the exhaustion of pregnancy and the winter duldrums. Very hard for me to see out of the fog sometimes and I find myself staring into space a lot. I'm not worried about myself, except for the time I'm wasting feeling like this. There isn't much I can do about it while I am pregnant, so we'll see how much the spring/ summer help, along with my state of mind post-baby and reassess a new plan of attack then. That is enough for me right now, to know that it won't be forever that I'll be feeling this way. I just hope it's enough for the kids because they have been dealing with distant and crabby mom for a pretty long time. I don't want them forming memories of me sitting on the couch or staring out the window or planted in front of the computer as an escape. They are my life and the worst part of feeling like this is the helplessness and guilt of not being able to be the mom I want to be for them. Again, I would never allow this to go on, so we'll keep looking ahead to better times!

I'll fill you in on them now. We'll start with Jack. He is doing great with school. We are past the adjustment to being at school all day. It was kind of rough for a month or two or three. But now he seems to love it. He was his class 'VIP' a couple of weeks ago and was literally chomping at the bit to get to school every day that week. Other things that excite him like that are buying lunch at school (twice a month), the teacher/ student charity volleyball game, Winter Wipeout on TV, his basketball games on Saturday mornings, and seeing his cousins. He's a happy go lucky kid and I know how blessed I am to have him.

Mallie is doing better in school lately. She's amazingly shy and barely speaks while she is there. She seems to love it though and readily gets out of the car to go. I planned her class' Valentine's party this week and when I am at school, she wants me in her sight. She had a couple of melt-downs when I had to leave the room for a minute. But, overall she is getting better there. Mallie is very in to getting dressed by her big self these days. She is extremely capable and I can trust that if I leave an outfit out for her, it will be on her quickly and correctly.....unlike her brother who dilly-dallies, gets distracted and when the final product appears, needs to be re-done. Mallie even goes so far as to help Annie get dressed, as well. Annie has been going to her for help on many things. Mallie is extremely patient and nurturing. I rarely hear a peep out of her. She goes along with the flow and is very pleasant.

Annie is going through a bit of a terrible 2 phase. She is very angry a lot of the time, exclaiming 'Dang it!' or "I HATE_____!" or 'Not again!!" She dropped her naps several months ago, even though she still needs them desperately. 90% of our problems are from the hours between 3-7 when she is exhausted and nothing is right. She's very fiesty and is in the stage where no matter what is given to her is wrong and she lets you know it with a loud yell. I am working on redirecting and punishing, but the lack of energy is hampering that. Annie is also very funny and she knows it. Although it is totally inappropriate, her favorite word is 'Poopies' and she says it a minimum of 2000 times a day. She also has a soft side and is extremely interested in the new baby in my tummy. She tells me several times a day in a very high pitched voice, "There's a new baby in you tummy and he's gonna come out and i gonna hold him right after sissy and it's gonna be soooo cute!'.

Mallie and Annie are attached at the hip. They are best buddies and really look out for each other. They play really well and one of my favorite past times is sitting outside their door and listening to their conversations. This will only be getting better because ANnie moved into Mallie's bedroom in a big girl bed last night, so I can only imagine the conversations as they fall asleep!