November 6th, 2007

My friend is going through a bad break-up right now. Hearing the heartache in her voice is making me very sad and reflective. I want to be able to tell her something- anything- to make her feel better. She is fearing that her actions have chased away someone that was supposed to be in her life forever. She was confused in the relationship and needed space. Now that she knows what she wants, he is refusing to speak to her or see her because he is afraid of being hurt again. I understand her worry about passing up something that was 'meant to be'....and the feeling that she may end up alone, or with someone she is not in love with.

The only thing I can think of to tell her is something I believe with my whole heart. God brings people into and out of your life as you need them, and as they need you. He would never keep you from someone that was supposed to continue giving you things you need for your spirit or emotional well being. For some reason, this relationship was meant to end now. This won't make the pain go away sooner- you need to feel the sadness and grieve the loss. It's the only way to learn from what happened and to accept that you are going to be OK. There is a shiny, beautiful relationship on the other side of the grieving though. You'll be a more solid person who appreciates how fleeting and precious relationships can be. You'll be ready to love someone in a different way than you ever have. This is not to minimize the relationship that has ended. It is the most important one you've had to date....and will always be, and should always be very special to you. Just remember it was a moment in time, as every relationship is. A moment that has shaped you and will always be a part of who you are. Take as much as you can from it...it's the best way to make it count.

I think about my sister, Ali today. So much of that applies to my relationship with her. I try really hard not to be upset about her leaving us because it doesn't honor who she was or how she'd want things to go without her- not to mention, it doesn't change what happened. It is wasted energy. She'd want me to take the best parts of her and carry them on. She'd want me to thrive in my own life to give her something great to watch from where she is now. It is important to think about her though and the things she did that made me who I am today. She taught me so many lessons, and I get to carry them with me forever. That's how I hold on to her. I know we'll be together again someday...and in the meantime, I'm doing my best to live the best life I can- just like she did.